Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So vagazzling was a success
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize