Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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