youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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