You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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