I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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