Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
