He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
