Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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