Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
