Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
