Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
