I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
