just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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