pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
