So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
