o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
