She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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