if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
