he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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