My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
