I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
