So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I need water and some morals
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
