Its about making memories worth repressing
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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