She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
