Christians are straight up FREAKS
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
