What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
