this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
