With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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