brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
