when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
