If that was your dad, he is hot
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
