whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
