I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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