apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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