At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I party with great urgency now.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
