fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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