Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
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