We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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