dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
