No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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