no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
This house was built for laser tag.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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