You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
