You're so nebulous sometimes
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
