aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
