dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
