dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
