i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize