then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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