so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
