Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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