i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
