after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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