the condom got lost in my hair
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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