there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
