I'm lost and stupid without you.
I want to make a zoo with you.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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