No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
third nipple confirmed
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think my moral compass just broke
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