After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
