I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
