Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
