Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize