I just threw up on my dentist
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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