I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
