I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
