I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
