Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
