Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
