Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
