with your own penis?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
