I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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