chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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