i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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