This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
