I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Can you bring me the toilet please
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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