So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
