Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize