i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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