He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
