If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize