I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
