I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
