Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Barsexuality is the new black.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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