office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
