Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
