She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
