We're facebook friends in real life
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
