he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
