If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
