I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
