she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I could make wine with my vomit
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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