Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She's the barista slut.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
