I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
