I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
