the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
