what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
