No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
