i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
