I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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