i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
