i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize