so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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