ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
