I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
