Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
