yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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