Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
