My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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