my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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