The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
