I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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