So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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