Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
