We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
