Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
