I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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