I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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