I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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